17 Things to Expect from the Upcoming ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Movie
Here’s what you can expect from Michael Bay’s latest assault on your most cherished memories from childhood:

Jokes about how Splinter doesn’t understand Twitter.
The introduction of Bebop and Rocksteady’s adopted son, Dubstep.
A special cameo by Michelle Obama as a minor villain who replaces pizzas with veggie trays.
The rumors are true: The film will use an alien origin story to explain the creation of Megan Fox.
Tons more Ninja Turtles named after other famous artists, such as Warhol, Rauschenberg, Picasso, and Lena Dunham’s Mom.
Slow-mo shots of April O’Neil washing cars, licking popsicles, and masturbating.

Continue

17 Things to Expect from the Upcoming ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Movie

Here’s what you can expect from Michael Bay’s latest assault on your most cherished memories from childhood:

  • Jokes about how Splinter doesn’t understand Twitter.
  • The introduction of Bebop and Rocksteady’s adopted son, Dubstep.
  • A special cameo by Michelle Obama as a minor villain who replaces pizzas with veggie trays.
  • The rumors are true: The film will use an alien origin story to explain the creation of Megan Fox.
  • Tons more Ninja Turtles named after other famous artists, such as Warhol, Rauschenberg, Picasso, and Lena Dunham’s Mom.
  • Slow-mo shots of April O’Neil washing cars, licking popsicles, and masturbating.

Continue