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17 Ways to Stay Safe at the Beach this Summer
If you absolutely must leave your house to go to the beach this summer, be sure to protect yourself with these proven tips:

Drink plenty of sunscreen.
Get appropriate zoning permits for all sand castle construction.
Introduce yourself to the lifeguards. They’ll be much more inclined to get up and do something if they can put a face to the cries for help.
Though full of pristine sand and excellent surf, Iraq’s beaches are best avoided.
If you spot a shark, quickly bite off your own arm to show it you’re a crazy motherfucker with nothing to lose.
Blow on hot sand before stepping on it.
Pay attention to boogie boarders. They rule.
Wear a Life Jacket, Life Pants, and a Life Helmet.

Continue

17 Ways to Stay Safe at the Beach this Summer

If you absolutely must leave your house to go to the beach this summer, be sure to protect yourself with these proven tips:

  • Drink plenty of sunscreen.
  • Get appropriate zoning permits for all sand castle construction.
  • Introduce yourself to the lifeguards. They’ll be much more inclined to get up and do something if they can put a face to the cries for help.
  • Though full of pristine sand and excellent surf, Iraq’s beaches are best avoided.
  • If you spot a shark, quickly bite off your own arm to show it you’re a crazy motherfucker with nothing to lose.
  • Blow on hot sand before stepping on it.
  • Pay attention to boogie boarders. They rule.
  • Wear a Life Jacket, Life Pants, and a Life Helmet.

Continue

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13 Tips for a Perfect Summer Barbecue
You know what Memorial Day means: Barbecue season is here! Follow these tips to throw the perfect summer cookout:

Once heated, don’t touch the surface of the grill with your bare hands or genitals.
Remember to make a salad to throw away
Make sure every song on your party playlist ends with “(Glee version)”
Plenty of delicious, freshly brewed, piping-hot coffee
Remind guests that by reading your Kiss The Cook apron, they’ve entered a legally binding agreement. Then put on your Give The Cook a Handjob apron!
There may be vegetarians at the barbecue, so make sure to have something for them, like a bag of chips and a middle finger.

Continue

13 Tips for a Perfect Summer Barbecue

You know what Memorial Day means: Barbecue season is here! Follow these tips to throw the perfect summer cookout:

  • Once heated, don’t touch the surface of the grill with your bare hands or genitals.
  • Remember to make a salad to throw away
  • Make sure every song on your party playlist ends with “(Glee version)”
  • Plenty of delicious, freshly brewed, piping-hot coffee
  • Remind guests that by reading your Kiss The Cook apron, they’ve entered a legally binding agreement. Then put on your Give The Cook a Handjob apron!
  • There may be vegetarians at the barbecue, so make sure to have something for them, like a bag of chips and a middle finger.

Continue

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The 26 Absolute Worst Summer Jobs
Sure, you need money, but not THIS badly.
Tags: LOL summer