The NFL’s New Rules of Conduct in the Wake of the Ray Rice Scandal
Good to see the league is finally cracking down:
- Coaches may no longer rile up players by telling them to visualize opponents as their wives.
- O.J. Simpson will be automatically suspended for two games should he ever choose to rejoin the league.
- Remaining complacent in the physical assault of a woman will result in an immediate 10-yard penalty or first down for the opposing team.
- Because the NFL can only rule in the presence of video, cheerleaders are now required to wear GoPros on their heads.
- The NFL must ensure that players have no other life skills to fall back on if football doesn’t work out as incentive for them to be on their best behavior at all times.