17 Things to Expect from the Upcoming ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Movie
Here’s what you can expect from Michael Bay’s latest assault on your most cherished memories from childhood:
- Jokes about how Splinter doesn’t understand Twitter.
- The introduction of Bebop and Rocksteady’s adopted son, Dubstep.
- A special cameo by Michelle Obama as a minor villain who replaces pizzas with veggie trays.
- The rumors are true: The film will use an alien origin story to explain the creation of Megan Fox.
- Tons more Ninja Turtles named after other famous artists, such as Warhol, Rauschenberg, Picasso, and Lena Dunham’s Mom.
- Slow-mo shots of April O’Neil washing cars, licking popsicles, and masturbating.