13 Ways to Make the World Cup More Appealing to Americans
This ain’t that “football you play with your feet" nonsense again, is it?

Every team gets a wise-cracking fat kid to play goalie.
The Undertaker periodically shows up with a folding chair to shake up the match.
If players can’t use their hands… why should they have any?
Refer to each team by their corresponding pancake at IHOP.
Spread a rumor that the World Cup trophy contains Obama’s real birth certificate.
Do away with nationalities and have teams picked by Cee-Lo, Shakira, Adam Levine, and the other one.
Replace names on players’ jerseys with John Cougar Mellencamp lyrics.
Way, way more head injuries.

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13 Ways to Make the World Cup More Appealing to Americans

This ain’t that “football you play with your feet" nonsense again, is it?

  • Every team gets a wise-cracking fat kid to play goalie.
  • The Undertaker periodically shows up with a folding chair to shake up the match.
  • If players can’t use their hands… why should they have any?
  • Refer to each team by their corresponding pancake at IHOP.
  • Spread a rumor that the World Cup trophy contains Obama’s real birth certificate.
  • Do away with nationalities and have teams picked by Cee-Lo, Shakira, Adam Levine, and the other one.
  • Replace names on players’ jerseys with John Cougar Mellencamp lyrics.
  • Way, way more head injuries.

Continue